whatever you like

i am moving all writing from this blog to www.itssohard.wordpress.com

Will miss this blog, had a good time thrashing out my thoughts here.

his inside's pretty

This is the most crucial moment of my life.no,this is not exaggeration. but it really is. i am 25, with another 25 years of my prime left to work.i hate myself at times for lacking drive.sure i might have passed my real estate examination but that hardly counts for anything.i need a massive kick in my ass.its scary that i dont feel fear or pressure with every passing day.how do i get myself motivated.there must be a way to channel all these pent up anxiety i am feeling to something tangible.hopefully real estate is THAT channel.n to my gf who is reading this,who i know is reading this and is the biggest fan in my life,i love you.Smile everyday,because you really are so beautiful when you smile.

his inside's pretty

Hehe this is my first ever post from my phone,never thought I would ever blog from my phone. I think everyone has a darkside to them.it varies for people.I am not ashamed to say it is my quick temper.it is my biggest shortcoming and it has been troubling me as long as I can remember.I don't think it has reached the stage where I require professional help yet but I have to keep it in check. Something happened today that prompt me to snap,let's just say it involves a unusally long time in waiting for my food. I reacted in a way that a 15 year old me would struggle to match. I have this fear that one day I would lose everyone I love in my life because of my temper,I am at a lost as to what is the source of my anger n frustration. Need to find the answer..soon

his inside's pretty

work is getting harder.not the aspect of the scope of course,i learned all there is to learn within a couple of months and i really think i have reached a celling with regards to learning.but the repetitative nature of my job is hard to stomache.i realise i complain alot my jobs,esp wtih starhub and this.but i guess its only natural when you take jobs to challenge yourelf.i am pretty sure nothing will challenge me like real estate.it's a big risk i am taking,what with my age and my disinterest in furthering my education.but i hope like alot of things in life,hard work will pay off.

i have been talking to my lady about travelling.i would love to travel.everytime i hear about the details of someone's travel exploits,i get annoyed.i guess that is pretty unfair to that person.they might have worked hard for that break but the people i often hear about dont stike me as hardworking or deserving of a break.i guess self entitlement differs eh.i need to travel and see things.i think travelling shapes people.being well travelled really broadens your perspective as a person and shapes your character.heres hoping for a much much deserved getaway before the end of the year

his inside's pretty

i can only imagine virtual cobwebs enveloping my blog. but that is in no small part due to work,living and having alot more productive things to do than pen my thoughts for a meager audience,altough the precious few who reads this means the world to me.life has been good.
i am good,or to put it modestly,self sufficient at work.i no longer consult my superiors as such as i use to.I am STILL (the emphasis is on joy,not disdain) with the most amazing sweetheart in the world,who puts up with me and shows the same amount of love back.i have friends i can count on,who treats me as their equals and more,confide in,and also happen to be genuinely good people.
but if a life like that can only be considered as good,not great.my career is going nowhere,i havent got my license(something i really need to work on)and my novel is not going to write itself anytime soon.speaking of which i plan to publish bits of my novel here,and yes even though i know i would have the occasional passerbys + the people closetest to me,i would do it anyway.i still havent given up on my dream of writing for a living.

his inside's pretty

work's been boring.the nature of the job is mundane and repetitive.i think the job have exahusted all its goodwill i had towards it within a month.i know i took up this job for a very specific reason,the stable hours were a bigger draw than the salary of course.but i cant shake off this feeling of a alternate destiny.a alternate fate.i was just at the library today,reading a article on christopher nolan on "empire". his life before filmmaking came into the picture (someone should pay me to write puns) was fascinating.he had the concept of inception in college,and the idea of it stuck with him till it was realised on the screen. some people truly are born with genuis in their genes (i think that is pretty evident,how else do you explain chris nolan's brother flair for writing scripts) is it nature or nuture? i am pretty sick of living life thinking what could/may have been,if i had put more application in my studies,if i had worked really hard academically,would my life be any different? i have been reading scripts ;ate;y and i really wish i had that flair for creative writing,i love creating worlds with words,ironic for someone who dosent like fiction.the world of miniority report,the social network,saving private ryan,inception,jurassic park, all started with words.i hate my limited vocabulary and the extent of my linguistic skills. chris nolan you ass,only you could make me feel so small and envious

his inside's pretty

i did something today i am not proud of.to say that it shames me is a understatment.to add shame,its not even the first time i commit this heinous crime.i flared up at my girlfriend.over nothing at all.the one woman i am suppose to love and care for was on the receiving end of some really petty tantrum a 3 year old would struggle to match.even though there were no ill lingering feelings after we talked it out.i still feel perplexed as to why i behave the way i do. i remember losing my first girlfriend in a similar manner.the almost weekly petty fights instigated by my hehaviour took its toil on the relationship.something have to give,and it did.i was hurt when it all ended but looking back,she did not deserve any of the vitriol and the snidely remarks i dish out.i have a real shot at happiness now,and yet ironically,i pose the biggest threat to our relationship.sooner or later she will leave me if i carry on. i guess this short temper trait runs in the family.but instead of pointing fingers at a particular gene and blaming my mum for passing the trait,i am better off counting to 5 everytime i feel like i would burst out in anger.

so excited about tml.big major plans?nah,just a simple day at home with my girl.we havent been spending time lately so tml will be a really good chance for that.we will cook,chill,cuddle and watch football.hopefully we can catch the arsenal game but i aint too optimistic.speaking about arsenal i am still reminded of the 4-4 draw last week.................

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his inside's pretty

i have just witnessed the most incredible of comebacks in football.Unfortunately arsenal was on the receiving end of that comeback.upon learning the scoreline was 4-0 at half time,i thought nothing but a win was in sight.for good reason too if you consider how insurmountable a lead 4-0 is.its tennis's equivalence of coming back after being two sets down.then it happened.same ol arsenal,always self imploding.it seems like they have group meetings to come up with new ways to throw wins away every week.in fact it was only weeks ago when they threw a 2-0 lead against spurs and lost.but this,THIS takes the cake,the cream,the filling and the whole lot.i have never in my life heard or seen any team give away such a lead.it all happened when diaby (god i hate him,please please please sell him) decided he didnt want arsenal to win anything this season.when he shoved barton's neck,it seem like he chucked his brains out at the exact moment.thats when the melt down happened.first it was a penatly,then a soft goal,and the softest penatly you will ever see.to top that off,a loooooooooooooooooooooong range strike to complete the comeback.

i was so physically ill.i mean it.this is no exaggeration or a fan's over dramatisation.my heart was pouding and my feet and palms went cold,flashes of spurs and wigan of last season ran wildly in my mind "surely not" i thought.but it did,it happened.the result sank in slowly,followed by disbelief,shock,anger,resentment and ultimately acceptance.but that acceptance was not realised without aid.with the help of my girlfriend,she pulled me aside and gave me a female's perspective.it is at the very end of the day,a game.where results have no real consequence in my daily life.a game,not played byself,and certainly where i have no participation of any form.i have to ask myself why do i love this game so much in the first place,i guess its capacity to surprise and excite comes in to mind.yet that could both work for you and against you mind you.still,it could have been worst,i could have been a liverpool fan....

his inside's pretty

i was forced to face the cold undeniable truth that i am dumb today.let me rephrase that,maybe not academically inclined would be the choice of words.i realised how poorly i fared during my polytechnic days when comparing my GPA score against the median score required for admissionin to a local university .to use a football analogy,you could say it was a pitch apart.i barely made the bare requirements to graduate!my god,what was i doing.after all the setbacks i have gone through i should have really pulled up my socks right?

the only reason i am doing all that was because of the idleness at work.ok sure i am basically training and havent actually started any work(this word is used very loosely at my workplace after seeing the antics of my colleagues)but i am pretty confident i will STILL be idle after i start.it got me thinking:"am i possibly wasting any latent potential i might have?what happened to the intellect in me?i wont say i am anywhere near intelligent because i think you should have a good grasp of math equations to qualify for that but i am inquisitive and have a thirst for knowledge so i think that should count for something at least.seeing all webpages of all the universities make me want to learn again as a student.but after a day's worth of browsing i realise alas,that was not to be.i still have a interest in writing though,ironic because i was asked to write about myself during a job interview and i barely wrote 2 paragraphs.but that can wait because i still want to sort myself out first. wanted to write about a few topics but i kind of lost that fleeting moment, that instance where inspiration and the desire to put that in to words come in to place. that can wait another time. but before i end this, i have to write about my darling pie,nazarethu begum daughter of her dad.

sweetie,its been a long time eh??!?! (see how different i write when its about you)we sure have come a long way.it still seems like yesterday when we were only friends.always teasing each other in mock disgust.but all that harmless taunting became something else.we found a bond, a connection, a level of understanding only we know and share.dont take all these as cheesy lines you see in a hallmark card.i am sure you know what i mean.we havent found our calling in life and honestly,we cant see our lives beyond this year(in a personal sense)but i am sure this is the year we will turn things around and make good.its not going to be easy,we might argue,fight,quarrel and not spend much time together.that lack of time spent will result in to more fighting,more hissy fits.but i need you to understand that not how i would feel,and ditto for you.so everytime we meet,we talk,lets not waste those moments on fighting or comparing or anything trival,we are bigger than that(literally!)i want to always be able to hold your hands,because that means your right beside me.love you sweetheart,keep smiling always because i like it when your happy

his inside's pretty

i just celebrated the first anniversary of our relationship with my love. its funny how this special moment seems bitter because it is happening with the worst period of my life.yes, despite my love life going the right way,this is the lowest point of my life. i just had a talk with my mum who indirectly hint me to get any job i can get my hands on now. i have a less-than-successful-in-life friend who gently chided me on my idleness,regardless of his intention that really felt like a heavy blow on my esteem,ego and self worth. i hate living my life like this. i NEED something, something to do, something worth doing. my heart feels heavy because i know what everyone thinks about me, but there is nothing i can do to prove otherwise.i need soemthing,fuck dreams.fuck all those pie in the sky thoughts.fuck whatever lofty ambition i used to have.i just need something.

his inside's pretty